____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
