Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
