yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
