Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
