i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
