Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
