Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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