Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
