He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
