I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
