I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
