Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
