Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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