i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
