I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You're like the curious george of whores
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
