you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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