when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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