ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
