I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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