State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
