I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
