Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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