Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
