You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize