I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.