when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH