Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
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