friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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