If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
