I just made out with a guy for $7.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
