1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
