please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
