he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
