i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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