I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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