I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
