Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
