my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
