i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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