capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
