Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
