i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
