You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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