69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
