I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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