who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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