Screwed.edu
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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