adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
God, I missed his penis.
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