1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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