I'm sorry my penis didn't work
false alarm. still invincible.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
