why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
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My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize