How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
