That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
