Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
