Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize