Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
