You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
