dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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