i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
