You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
