He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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