Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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